Partying Clipart Images

May 3	Everyone submits their entries
May 3-10	We select our team members from “The Writer’s Voice” Blogfest
May 10-17	We coach our team members, helping them polish their entries
May 17	We post our team members’ entries on our blogs
May 21	Agents vote for their favorites

I'm so excited about my critique partner's book birthday and it couldn't happen to kinder person than Shannon Duffy. Her heart is so beautiful and she's such a talented writer, I hope you all will support her book. I'm giving away 5 copies of Shannon Duffy's Spectral to celebrate. And to make it even sweeter, one of the five winners will receive a Spectral swag package from Shannon Duffy, which includes a t-shirt, a pen, a book mark, romance trading cards, and a few butterfly tattoos.



 
From the moment I read Spectral, I fell in the love with the characters. Jewel's been in the witness protection program all her life. She's tough, but we get to see her soft side through the love she has for her young brother and her loyalty to her family. I have to admit that I was at first Team Chase, the hot boy at her new school with a kind heart. He came on the scene with his boy-next-door charms and sweetness and I was hooked. But I soon switched teams when the dark, mysterious Roman entered the scene. He smelled of bad boy from the beginning and I'm a sucker for that type. I immediately fell for his smoldering Italian, his strength, and his smooth moves. Shannon had me questioning his motives while yearning for the two to get together. Loved that!

Roman

Chase

The plot is filled with action, twists, betrayal, and witch craft. What else would you want in a paranormal romance? An endearing romance? Yeah, it has that too! So get the book and go along with Jewel on her journey to self discovery and to finding her soul mate. You'll be glad you did!

Shannon Duffy

Shannon Duffy writes young adult and middle grade fiction. She grew up on the beautiful east coast of Canada and now lives in Ontario, Canada. She is the mom of one boy, Gabriel, her angel. She loves writing, reading, working out, soccer, and the sport of champions-shopping. She is the author of the young adult paranormal romance, SPECTRAL. Her upcoming middle grade fantasy novel, GABRIEL STONE AND THE DIVINITY OF VALTA is scheduled for a January 2013 release. 

Buy the book here:

link

Well, we made it through the After The Madness Workshop, and now, it's time to put up my feet and relax a little. If you participated in the workshop, please go around and critique your fellow work-shoppers' entries. It's always nice to give back, and you never know, one of them may become your critique partner. That's how I've met my critique partners, through participating in events such as this.

Do me a favor and show some love to my wonderful partners-in-crime, Erica Chapman, Shelley Watters, and the fantabulous writers over at YAtopia. Go to their sites, comment, and follow them. They all are wonderful writers to know. I couldn't have done this without them. Oh, and of course, I'd love it if you followed me too.

As you've heard so many times before, likes are subjective. I might feel one way about your entry and someone else may feel a different way about it. I really enjoyed reading and commenting on all the entries. There is definitely an understanding about writing among all the participants. Sometimes, we just aren't starting our story in the right place or we're bogging it down with too many details. Take a breath. Turn all the suggestions in your head. And then, go with your gut and revise what you think needs fixing. You are the creator of your own story. If the rejections start piling up, you may want to revisit your convictions about your story. Listen to your readers and adjust what you feel will make the story better.

My journey to getting an agent was a long one--filled with rejections, insecurities, and joys. Along the way, I've meet new friends, made horrible mistakes, and grew as a writer. I never gave up. So hopefully none of you will. If you don't continue, you'll never reach the prize. It only takes one yes!

Come back soon. I'll be giving away books, maybe doing some critiques, and will announce The Writers Voice contest coming in May.

Welcome to the final day of After the Madness Workshop! Shelley Watters, Erica Chapman, the writers at YAtopia, and myself will critique the first 250 words of  two brave writers' manuscripts per day for the next seven to eight days. There are four blogs joining in to offer up suggestions. Click on my partners' sites in my sidebar to view the other critiques.

And next up is ...

A bag of ice from The Quick Stop was the last thing I had expected to act as the catalyst in the return of some bad, and occasionally illegal, habits from my past. B's notes: Great first line! I'm intrigued. But a bag of ice was a crucial ingredient for our end of summer bash and halfway through the party, we had run out. I volunteered for the ice run and had almost made it back to the barn when the V-dub quit on me. Sam had failed to inform me (that) it was a "smack" day. The V-dubs fuel gauge only worked every other day. The days in between required smacking it to get it functioning.


I climbed out of the rusty, banged up thing and kicked the tire because it seemed like the appropriate thing to do. It stunk horribly like paint thinner (comma) and I questioned whether gas was the only thing Sam fueled it with. I pulled out my phone and paced up and down the dirt sidewalk, calling everyone I considered ‘safe enough, intoxicated drivers’. No one answered, so I settled for walking. I hoisted the bag of ice on my shoulder then trudged down the dimly lit street. Resting it against my chest was out of the question considering my poor choice to not wear a bra. Hopefully, someone heading to the party would pick me up before I froze.

B's notes: This is YA, so why isn't she wearing a bra? Is she a hippie? All the teens I know wouldn't be caught without a sexy bra from VS, even if they were flat-chested. I could live in the only place where this is the case, so ask around. 

After stepping in an ankle-deep puddle, two dogs scaring the hell out of me, and having to hide behind the Penswood Winery sign when the Sheriff drove by, I finally dropped the bag.  

B's notes: I really like the voice here. I'd definitely read more. If you're having issues about getting requests, you might consider moving quicker to the event that makes the bag of ice the catalyst to her demise. If you're looking to cut something to get to the inciting event faster, I'd cut the last four sentences in the second paragraph and work in the details you need into the third paragraph.

I hope this helps!

Remember this is subjective and others' may feel differently. So I'll now pass it on to the readers to critique. Please leave your comments, and remember the rules of critiquing ... be nice, which I'm sure you all will be, but I have to say it ... you know.

Welcome to the final day of After the Madness Workshop! Shelley Watters, Erica Chapman, the writers at YAtopia, and myself will critique the first 250 words of  two brave writers' manuscripts per day for the next seven to eight days. There are four blogs joining in to offer up suggestions. Click on my partners' sites in my sidebar to view the other critiques.

And next up is ...

My name is Jimmy. Like a boy. Except, I’m a girl. I’m named after my daddy Jimmy Lee Johnson, Jr. My great-aunt Millie says my name is stupid. And if my mama hadn’t been so crazy about that boy (meaning my daddy), I might’ve at least had a decent name. If nothing else.

B's notes: Great voice here! The first sentence isn't spectacular, but with the rest of the paragraph, it definitely hooked me.

She says when a gum-smacking nurse laid me on Mama’s chest and asked, “So, sweetie, whatcha gonna call her?” Mama smiled and foolishly answered, “Jimmy. Just like her daddy.”

Aunt Millie grunted. “Jimmy? What kind ‘a name is that for a girl?”

Aunt Millie says Mama stared at her like she’d just swallowed a pickle and turned green.

“Why can’t you call her Jenny?” Aunt Millie then asked. “Now that’s a pretty name for a girl. And it’s close to Jimmy.”

Mama rolled her eyes at Aunt Millie then turned her attention back to the nurse. “Her name is Jimmy,” she said, smiling proudly. “Jimmy Lee.”

Aunt Millie says the nurse winked at Mama and said, “What’s in a name, right?”

But Aunt Millie said, “Don’t be a fool, Darlynn. You can’t have that gal going through life with a boy’s name.”

“Her name’s Jimmy Lee Johnson,” Mama told to the nurse, flat out ignoring Aunt Millie.

Aunt Millie says the nurse looked at Mama real funny then cleared her throat and said flatly, “You can’t name her that, sweetie.”

“Can’t name her what?” Mama asked. Aunt Millie says she all of a sudden dropped that cocky smile like a can of hot grease.

B's note: I love the writing and the voice here, but the whole name thing drags on too long. I do love the scene, so I was torn about this one. I think the first paragraph about the name is all you need. This bit about fighting over Jimmy's name doesn't move the story forward. Get us to the inciting event sooner. Where does your story truly begin? If you keep this, you might want to replace some of the 'Jimmys'. (Example: Mama rolled her eyes at Aunt Millie then turned her attention back to the nurse. “Well, that's her name,” she said, smiling proudly.

I could be wrong about this, but it was my first instinct as I read. Hopefully, others will chime in here so we can get some more opinions about it. 
I hope this helps!

Remember this is subjective and others' may feel differently. So I'll now pass it on to the readers to critique. Please leave your comments, and remember the rules of critiquing ... be nice, which I'm sure you all will be, but I have to say it ... you know.

Welcome to day seven of After the Madness Workshop! Shelley Watters, Erica Chapman, the writers at YAtopia, and myself will critique the first 250 words of  two brave writers' manuscripts per day for the next seven to eight days. There are four blogs joining in to offer up suggestions. Click on my partners' sites in my sidebar to view the other critiques.

And next up is ...
I hope this helps!

Remember this is subjective and others' may feel differently. So I'll now pass it on to the readers to critique. Please leave your comments, and remember the rules of critiquing ... be nice, which I'm sure you all will be, but I have to say it ... you know.

 

Welcome to day seven of After the Madness Workshop! Shelley Watters, Erica Chapman, the writers at YAtopia, and myself will critique the first 250 words of  two brave writers' manuscripts per day for the next seven to eight days. There are four blogs joining in to offer up suggestions. Click on my partners' sites in my sidebar to view the other critiques.

And next up is ...
B-14 Rachel Schieffelbein

The carpet in the school library was rough against Erwin’s cheek, but the uncomfortable floor had nothing to do with why he couldn’t sleep. No one was sleeping. Everyone was lying there in silence, the fear and tension in the air so thick it reminded Erwin of movie scenes where the ceiling is slowly coming down to crush everyone. The only difference, he thought, was that in the movies they always escape just in time.


It was hard to believe only a few hours ago he had been working out in the school gym.He remembered thinking, this day couldn’t possibly get any worse. He laughed at the thought now. Outside he heard another bang as whatever those things were tried to claw and crash their way into the locked school.


B's notes: The first bit didn't grab me until the last line. Maybe you could rework it to get a better first sentence hook. I'm not getting a sense of urgency with his situation above. Show us his fear with his actions. You tell us the air is thick with fear and tension, but we need to be shown it. Bring in some sensory details too. How does it smell in there? Wouldn't there be some sort of noise? Like, the whirring of a fan. The smell of musty books. The dusty overused carpet. The sweaty smell of boys?


Erwin was on his way to lunch when he saw them. Justin had Natalie pushed up against her faded orange locker, his tongue down her beautiful throat. Erwin’s own throat tightened and his stomach churned. So much for lunch.

Natalie had broken up with Erwin only a week earlier, after dating for ten months. She was his dream girl. Not only gorgeous, she was cool, too. They had fun together. She was at every one of his basketball games, cheering him on in her tiny skirt. Then afterwards she’d tell him how great she thought he was, whether they won or lost. He thought he loved her. He thought she loved him.

Now she was wrapping her fingers around the fat neck of that dick, Justin.

B's notes: I really like the writing here and I'm intrigued.  I'm not a fan of going from the future and then to the past. Why not just start where the story starts and work toward the library scene. Is this how you think your story should start? I think it would hook better if you start with the inciting event.  By the way, I absolutely love the title of your manuscript.

I hope this helps!

Remember this is subjective and others' may feel differently. So I'll now pass it on to the readers to critique. Please leave your comments, and remember the rules of critiquing ... be nice, which I'm sure you all will be, but I have to say it ... you know.