Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Super Intern Contest - THE UNLEASHING
Genre: YA Paranormal Suspense with Romantic Elements
Word Count: 75,000
Dear Super Intern,
High school senior Alita sees herself at Princeton; taking tests, meeting boys, not developing psychic powers, not crushing on a boy who saves her from a psycho who wants said powers, and definitely not unleashing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
The ability to manipulate any form of energy that’s triggered on her eighteenth birthday doesn’t just ruin her Princeton dreams - it earns her a stalker who wants her power, baits her, and uses her lack of control of the ability to unleash the Four Horsemen. Violence, disease, and insanity ravage her town. But it’s not all doom and gloom. A dreamy boy named Alexareus teaches her to control her power.
She can fix it all. She can send the Horsemen back to whatever stinking hellhole they came from. All it takes is sacrificing Alexareus.
The Horsemen take him, and they vow that if they have to go, so does her love.
THE UNLEASHING, complete at 75,000 words, is a YA paranormal suspense laced with a helping of steamy romance.
250-word excerpt:
I clutched my head, wincing in pain. No, please no. Not again. Why does this keep happening? The throbbing intensified. I pushed my chair away from the desk, trying not to draw attention to myself. My heart hammered with erratic beats. I flashed Mrs. Thompson a weak smile, as if I was merely going to the bathroom. She eyed me curiously, but didn’t pause in her lecture on mythology.
I ducked into the hallway and leaned against the wall. Bending over and bracing my hands on my knees, I took a deep breath. Searing heat pooled in my stomach.
Don’t throw up. It’ll pass. Calm down.
Another breath. Another. It didn’t help.
The light above me flickered. A harsh thumping echoed in my ears and images flashed in my mind. Each sound conjured a new image. My eyes stung with fresh tears. I covered them, trying to block out the pain and panic.
Thump.
Mobs of men attacked each other.
Thump.
Fires ravaged forests, fields, and cities.
Thump.
People covered in black sores died where they fell.
Thump.
“Are you alright?” a voice asked. A gentle hand touched my shoulder.
The pain stopped. My pulse calmed and stomach settled. The images and drumming ceased. I sighed in relief, uncovering my eyes to see a boy I didn’t recognize.
“I’m fine.” The words were barely coherent. I straightened. My cheeks warmed and I wiped my eyes before hurrying back into the room, wishing I could run much farther away. Being branded some freak extraordinaire was the last thing I needed right now.
Word Count: 75,000
Dear Super Intern,
High school senior Alita sees herself at Princeton; taking tests, meeting boys, not developing psychic powers, not crushing on a boy who saves her from a psycho who wants said powers, and definitely not unleashing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
The ability to manipulate any form of energy that’s triggered on her eighteenth birthday doesn’t just ruin her Princeton dreams - it earns her a stalker who wants her power, baits her, and uses her lack of control of the ability to unleash the Four Horsemen. Violence, disease, and insanity ravage her town. But it’s not all doom and gloom. A dreamy boy named Alexareus teaches her to control her power.
She can fix it all. She can send the Horsemen back to whatever stinking hellhole they came from. All it takes is sacrificing Alexareus.
The Horsemen take him, and they vow that if they have to go, so does her love.
THE UNLEASHING, complete at 75,000 words, is a YA paranormal suspense laced with a helping of steamy romance.
250-word excerpt:
I clutched my head, wincing in pain. No, please no. Not again. Why does this keep happening? The throbbing intensified. I pushed my chair away from the desk, trying not to draw attention to myself. My heart hammered with erratic beats. I flashed Mrs. Thompson a weak smile, as if I was merely going to the bathroom. She eyed me curiously, but didn’t pause in her lecture on mythology.
I ducked into the hallway and leaned against the wall. Bending over and bracing my hands on my knees, I took a deep breath. Searing heat pooled in my stomach.
Don’t throw up. It’ll pass. Calm down.
Another breath. Another. It didn’t help.
The light above me flickered. A harsh thumping echoed in my ears and images flashed in my mind. Each sound conjured a new image. My eyes stung with fresh tears. I covered them, trying to block out the pain and panic.
Thump.
Mobs of men attacked each other.
Thump.
Fires ravaged forests, fields, and cities.
Thump.
People covered in black sores died where they fell.
Thump.
“Are you alright?” a voice asked. A gentle hand touched my shoulder.
The pain stopped. My pulse calmed and stomach settled. The images and drumming ceased. I sighed in relief, uncovering my eyes to see a boy I didn’t recognize.
“I’m fine.” The words were barely coherent. I straightened. My cheeks warmed and I wiped my eyes before hurrying back into the room, wishing I could run much farther away. Being branded some freak extraordinaire was the last thing I needed right now.
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- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP
- DOGGONE VOICE: PEREGRINE
- DOGGONE VOICE: BETTER LIVES
- DOGGONE VOICE: BROKEN
- DOGGONE VOICE: MIRRORMASTERS
- DOGGONE VOICE: SPARK
- DOGGONE VOICE: SHADOWS OF DESTINY
- DOGGONE VOICE: WHERE THERE IS DARK
- DOGGONE VOICE: CROW'S REST (WIP)
- DOGGONE VOICE: FINDING ESTA
- DOGGONE VOICE: WHAT HAPPENS IN WATER
- DOGGONE VOICE: ABEL PIRATES
- DOGGONE VOICE: STARRY KNIGHT
- DOGGONE VOICE: FIRE'S KISS
- DOGGONE VOICE: KISSING FROGS
- DOGGONE VOICE: HARVESTER
- DOGGONE VOICE: THE SHIFTING DARKNESS
- DOGGONE VOICE: FREEBORN
- DOGGONE VOICE: RELIC
- DOGGONE VOICE: SHE CAME FROM THE HILL
- DOGGONE VOICE: LOVE IN REAL LIFE
- DOGGONE VOICE: SYLVAN LEGACY
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: TAGESTRAUM
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: THE UNLEASHING
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: HAUNTED LEGACY
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: SOUTHERN FORTUNE
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: NIRVANA, INC.
- Entangle an editor with your pitch!
- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP ... entry winners
- New Workshop on Voice ... it's not as elusive as y...
- The Writer's Voice ... another success story (sort...
- Super Intern Contest ... winners and wrap-up
- Super Intern Contest ... starts now!
- Super Intern Contest - DRAGONS ARE PEOPLE, TOO
- Super Intern Contest - BETTER LIVES
- Super Intern Contest - WHAT THE WATER GAVE US
- Super Intern Contest - FIRE'S KISS
- Super Intern Contest - VIS DECOR: ALPHI
- Super Intern Contest - RACE TO BUTCH CASSIDY'S GO...
- Super Intern Contest - BROKEN
- Super Intern Contest - AN ABSENCE OF LIGHT
- Super Intern Contest - AND JAKOB FLEW THE FIEND A...
- Super Intern Contest - UNDER THE TREES
- Super Intern Contest - TWO PRINCESSES, ONE PRINCE...
- Super Intern Contest - DEAD SISTER DAYS
- Super Intern Contest - MY PROTECTOR: THE CALLING
- Super Intern Contest - GRACEFUL DEATH
- Super Intern Contest - THE IMAGINING OF ISADORA V...
- Super Intern Contest - OUTSIDE IN
- Super Intern Contest - SHE CAME FROM THE HILL
- Super Intern Contest - PLUGGED IN
- Super Intern Contest - DIAMOND TEARS
- Super Intern Contest - DUALITY
- Super Intern Contest - DAUGHTER OF THE MOON
- Super Intern Contest - CROSSING THE DEEP
- Super Intern Contest - ONLY ONE TIME
- Super Intern Contest - NUMBER BLUE
- Super Intern Contest - THE UNLEASHING
- Super Intern Contest - PELE AND YO-YO
- Super Intern Contest - FREEBORN
- Super Intern Contest - COVETED
- Super Intern Contest - I, SPY
- Super Intern Contest - GRIPPED
- BE HERE NOW: A Writer's Auction to Raise Funds for...
- Super Intern Contest ... entry winners
- A Pitch Madness Success ... the interview
- The Writer's Voice ... a success story
- Super Intern Contest
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Blog Archive
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2012
(279)
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June
(68)
- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP
- DOGGONE VOICE: PEREGRINE
- DOGGONE VOICE: BETTER LIVES
- DOGGONE VOICE: BROKEN
- DOGGONE VOICE: MIRRORMASTERS
- DOGGONE VOICE: SPARK
- DOGGONE VOICE: SHADOWS OF DESTINY
- DOGGONE VOICE: WHERE THERE IS DARK
- DOGGONE VOICE: CROW'S REST (WIP)
- DOGGONE VOICE: FINDING ESTA
- DOGGONE VOICE: WHAT HAPPENS IN WATER
- DOGGONE VOICE: ABEL PIRATES
- DOGGONE VOICE: STARRY KNIGHT
- DOGGONE VOICE: FIRE'S KISS
- DOGGONE VOICE: KISSING FROGS
- DOGGONE VOICE: HARVESTER
- DOGGONE VOICE: THE SHIFTING DARKNESS
- DOGGONE VOICE: FREEBORN
- DOGGONE VOICE: RELIC
- DOGGONE VOICE: SHE CAME FROM THE HILL
- DOGGONE VOICE: LOVE IN REAL LIFE
- DOGGONE VOICE: SYLVAN LEGACY
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: TAGESTRAUM
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: THE UNLEASHING
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: HAUNTED LEGACY
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: SOUTHERN FORTUNE
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: NIRVANA, INC.
- Entangle an editor with your pitch!
- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP ... entry winners
- New Workshop on Voice ... it's not as elusive as y...
- The Writer's Voice ... another success story (sort...
- Super Intern Contest ... winners and wrap-up
- Super Intern Contest ... starts now!
- Super Intern Contest - DRAGONS ARE PEOPLE, TOO
- Super Intern Contest - BETTER LIVES
- Super Intern Contest - WHAT THE WATER GAVE US
- Super Intern Contest - FIRE'S KISS
- Super Intern Contest - VIS DECOR: ALPHI
- Super Intern Contest - RACE TO BUTCH CASSIDY'S GO...
- Super Intern Contest - BROKEN
- Super Intern Contest - AN ABSENCE OF LIGHT
- Super Intern Contest - AND JAKOB FLEW THE FIEND A...
- Super Intern Contest - UNDER THE TREES
- Super Intern Contest - TWO PRINCESSES, ONE PRINCE...
- Super Intern Contest - DEAD SISTER DAYS
- Super Intern Contest - MY PROTECTOR: THE CALLING
- Super Intern Contest - GRACEFUL DEATH
- Super Intern Contest - THE IMAGINING OF ISADORA V...
- Super Intern Contest - OUTSIDE IN
- Super Intern Contest - SHE CAME FROM THE HILL
- Super Intern Contest - PLUGGED IN
- Super Intern Contest - DIAMOND TEARS
- Super Intern Contest - DUALITY
- Super Intern Contest - DAUGHTER OF THE MOON
- Super Intern Contest - CROSSING THE DEEP
- Super Intern Contest - ONLY ONE TIME
- Super Intern Contest - NUMBER BLUE
- Super Intern Contest - THE UNLEASHING
- Super Intern Contest - PELE AND YO-YO
- Super Intern Contest - FREEBORN
- Super Intern Contest - COVETED
- Super Intern Contest - I, SPY
- Super Intern Contest - GRIPPED
- BE HERE NOW: A Writer's Auction to Raise Funds for...
- Super Intern Contest ... entry winners
- A Pitch Madness Success ... the interview
- The Writer's Voice ... a success story
- Super Intern Contest
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About me...
I write young adult and middle grade novels. I'm represented by Peter Knapp at Park Literary. Look for my debut young adult novel, LIBRARY JUMPERS releasing February, 2014.
Writing Links
- Peter Knapp: The Emperor of Ice Cream
- Park Literary
- Month9Books
- Query Tracker
- Publishers Marketplace
- The Association of Authors' Representatives
- Yapping About YA
- Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America
- Grammar Girl - Quick and Dirty Tips
- Pimp My Novel
- Guide to Literary Agents
- Evil Editor
- Absolute Write
- Agent Query
- Help I Need A Publisher

I don't think you need the romantic elements part of the genre. YA Paranormal Suspense is fine. I think the agents assume with YA we will have romance.
ReplyDeleteQUERY
I like the unleashing of the Four Horseman. But, if I'm being honest this plot line seems a bit overdone. What makes your story unique? That's what you want to focus on. I like your voice in this, but make sure the tone is the same throughout the novel.
250
I like your voice and style of this 250. I'm kind of a fan of the quick sentence. I also like the rhythm of this passage. It was easy to read. It also introduced us to the violence I'm assuming we're going to see eventually. I'm a bit burnt out on paranormal, but I do like the writing. I'm not sure there's enough unique stuff in this according to the query. Another one I'd be on the fence about.
Thank you for sharing your work ;o)
I don't think you need the romantic elements part of the genre. YA Paranormal Suspense is fine. I think the agents assume with YA we will have romance.
ReplyDeleteQUERY
I like the unleashing of the Four Horseman. But, if I'm being honest this plot line seems a bit overdone. What makes your story unique? That's what you want to focus on. I like your voice in this, but make sure the tone is the same throughout the novel.
250
I like your voice and style of this 250. I'm kind of a fan of the quick sentence. I also like the rhythm of this passage. It was easy to read. It also introduced us to the violence I'm assuming we're going to see eventually. I'm a bit burnt out on paranormal, but I do like the writing. I'm not sure there's enough unique stuff in this according to the query. Another one I'd be on the fence about.
Thank you for sharing your work ;o)
I'm glad you liked the writing. So you liked the Four Horsemen aspect, but the plot is overdone? What's overdone? The coming into power, stalker, boy? All three? haha
ReplyDeleteIs the Horsemen aspect not unique enough on it's own?
I think it was mostly the power coming on her birthday and the boy guiding her. I like the horseman aspect and I think it's unique, I just think the one person having the power thing is overdone. I really liked your 250 though ;o)
ReplyDelete