Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Super Intern Contest - GRIPPED
Genre: Young Adult Contemporary
Word Count: 61,000
Query:
Dear Ms. Chapman:
Taylor Stewart leads a life that,while privileged, is wrought with pressure-filled expectations. Although she has successfully navigated her way through the first three years of high school meeting, and often exceeding, these expectations, she has not done so without a little help. Taylor is an alcoholic.
Alcohol has been the perfect partner,giving her the boost of confidence she needed to become the captain of the cheer squad, as well as the most popular girl at her exclusive high school. It also offers an escape from her pressure-filled life, while numbing the bitterness, hurt and resentment she feels towards her absentee parents.
Unbeknownst to her, she is quickly reaching her limit of sustainability. When she is unexpectedly dumped by her star-athlete boyfriend, she is finally pushed past the tipping point and the delicate façade she has built begins to crumble. As she begins to rely even heavier on alcohol to simply make it through the days and hold everything together, the more quickly her life spirals out of control. The end result is catastrophic and threatens to change the course of her life forever.
Gripped is an edgy, contemporary young adult novel, complete at 61,000 words. The manuscript is available upon request.
I spend my days writing technical environmental documents for a large environmental consulting firm. I spend my nights writing young adult fiction. I am a member of SCBWI.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration!
250-word excerpt:
“I think we should do our own thing this year,” Blake says, staring at the road ahead as a tangle of brown limbs and green leaves whiz by in a blur.
“Huh?” Taylor does a double take, whipping her head to the left.
“It’s not you, babe. It’s senior year and we both need to let loose and have fun,” he continues.
“Are you serious?” she asks in disbelief, the pitch of her voice rising two octaves above normal.
The car slows as they near a stop sign before accelerating forcefully, causing her head to jerk back against the seat. She watches him stare stone-faced at the road ahead of him, leaning slightly forward in the driver's seat. He's gripping the wheel so tight his knuckles are white. He lets go with one hand, running it through his surfer boy hair.
We are happy. We have fun together.Everything is great. Why is he saying these things?
Panic spreads through her body like wildfire. Her ears start ringing like she's been standing next to a loudspeaker for too long. He starts to speak again, but the ringing is so loud it drowns out all of the sound coming out of his mouth.
Her mouth begins to water. The craving for a drink hits her with so much intensity that her bones ache with need.
She finally turns away from him and glances down, desperately trying to divert her attention and slow her breathing.Something shiny catches her eye. The mirrored inside of a granola bar wrapper is sitting on the black floor mat beside her foot. She nudges it with her big toe, pushing it to the side. The leather seat feels cool on the back of her legs as she nudges the wrapper.
Word Count: 61,000
Query:
Dear Ms. Chapman:
Taylor Stewart leads a life that,while privileged, is wrought with pressure-filled expectations. Although she has successfully navigated her way through the first three years of high school meeting, and often exceeding, these expectations, she has not done so without a little help. Taylor is an alcoholic.
Alcohol has been the perfect partner,giving her the boost of confidence she needed to become the captain of the cheer squad, as well as the most popular girl at her exclusive high school. It also offers an escape from her pressure-filled life, while numbing the bitterness, hurt and resentment she feels towards her absentee parents.
Unbeknownst to her, she is quickly reaching her limit of sustainability. When she is unexpectedly dumped by her star-athlete boyfriend, she is finally pushed past the tipping point and the delicate façade she has built begins to crumble. As she begins to rely even heavier on alcohol to simply make it through the days and hold everything together, the more quickly her life spirals out of control. The end result is catastrophic and threatens to change the course of her life forever.
Gripped is an edgy, contemporary young adult novel, complete at 61,000 words. The manuscript is available upon request.
I spend my days writing technical environmental documents for a large environmental consulting firm. I spend my nights writing young adult fiction. I am a member of SCBWI.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration!
250-word excerpt:
“I think we should do our own thing this year,” Blake says, staring at the road ahead as a tangle of brown limbs and green leaves whiz by in a blur.
“Huh?” Taylor does a double take, whipping her head to the left.
“It’s not you, babe. It’s senior year and we both need to let loose and have fun,” he continues.
“Are you serious?” she asks in disbelief, the pitch of her voice rising two octaves above normal.
The car slows as they near a stop sign before accelerating forcefully, causing her head to jerk back against the seat. She watches him stare stone-faced at the road ahead of him, leaning slightly forward in the driver's seat. He's gripping the wheel so tight his knuckles are white. He lets go with one hand, running it through his surfer boy hair.
We are happy. We have fun together.Everything is great. Why is he saying these things?
Panic spreads through her body like wildfire. Her ears start ringing like she's been standing next to a loudspeaker for too long. He starts to speak again, but the ringing is so loud it drowns out all of the sound coming out of his mouth.
Her mouth begins to water. The craving for a drink hits her with so much intensity that her bones ache with need.
She finally turns away from him and glances down, desperately trying to divert her attention and slow her breathing.Something shiny catches her eye. The mirrored inside of a granola bar wrapper is sitting on the black floor mat beside her foot. She nudges it with her big toe, pushing it to the side. The leather seat feels cool on the back of her legs as she nudges the wrapper.
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- Entangle an editor with your pitch!
- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP ... entry winners
- New Workshop on Voice ... it's not as elusive as y...
- The Writer's Voice ... another success story (sort...
- Super Intern Contest ... winners and wrap-up
- Super Intern Contest ... starts now!
- Super Intern Contest - DRAGONS ARE PEOPLE, TOO
- Super Intern Contest - BETTER LIVES
- Super Intern Contest - WHAT THE WATER GAVE US
- Super Intern Contest - FIRE'S KISS
- Super Intern Contest - VIS DECOR: ALPHI
- Super Intern Contest - RACE TO BUTCH CASSIDY'S GO...
- Super Intern Contest - BROKEN
- Super Intern Contest - AN ABSENCE OF LIGHT
- Super Intern Contest - AND JAKOB FLEW THE FIEND A...
- Super Intern Contest - UNDER THE TREES
- Super Intern Contest - TWO PRINCESSES, ONE PRINCE...
- Super Intern Contest - DEAD SISTER DAYS
- Super Intern Contest - MY PROTECTOR: THE CALLING
- Super Intern Contest - GRACEFUL DEATH
- Super Intern Contest - THE IMAGINING OF ISADORA V...
- Super Intern Contest - OUTSIDE IN
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- Super Intern Contest - PELE AND YO-YO
- Super Intern Contest - FREEBORN
- Super Intern Contest - COVETED
- Super Intern Contest - I, SPY
- Super Intern Contest - GRIPPED
- BE HERE NOW: A Writer's Auction to Raise Funds for...
- Super Intern Contest ... entry winners
- A Pitch Madness Success ... the interview
- The Writer's Voice ... a success story
- Super Intern Contest
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2012
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June
(68)
- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP
- DOGGONE VOICE: PEREGRINE
- DOGGONE VOICE: BETTER LIVES
- DOGGONE VOICE: BROKEN
- DOGGONE VOICE: MIRRORMASTERS
- DOGGONE VOICE: SPARK
- DOGGONE VOICE: SHADOWS OF DESTINY
- DOGGONE VOICE: WHERE THERE IS DARK
- DOGGONE VOICE: CROW'S REST (WIP)
- DOGGONE VOICE: FINDING ESTA
- DOGGONE VOICE: WHAT HAPPENS IN WATER
- DOGGONE VOICE: ABEL PIRATES
- DOGGONE VOICE: STARRY KNIGHT
- DOGGONE VOICE: FIRE'S KISS
- DOGGONE VOICE: KISSING FROGS
- DOGGONE VOICE: HARVESTER
- DOGGONE VOICE: THE SHIFTING DARKNESS
- DOGGONE VOICE: FREEBORN
- DOGGONE VOICE: RELIC
- DOGGONE VOICE: SHE CAME FROM THE HILL
- DOGGONE VOICE: LOVE IN REAL LIFE
- DOGGONE VOICE: SYLVAN LEGACY
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: TAGESTRAUM
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: THE UNLEASHING
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: HAUNTED LEGACY
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: SOUTHERN FORTUNE
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: NIRVANA, INC.
- Entangle an editor with your pitch!
- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP ... entry winners
- New Workshop on Voice ... it's not as elusive as y...
- The Writer's Voice ... another success story (sort...
- Super Intern Contest ... winners and wrap-up
- Super Intern Contest ... starts now!
- Super Intern Contest - DRAGONS ARE PEOPLE, TOO
- Super Intern Contest - BETTER LIVES
- Super Intern Contest - WHAT THE WATER GAVE US
- Super Intern Contest - FIRE'S KISS
- Super Intern Contest - VIS DECOR: ALPHI
- Super Intern Contest - RACE TO BUTCH CASSIDY'S GO...
- Super Intern Contest - BROKEN
- Super Intern Contest - AN ABSENCE OF LIGHT
- Super Intern Contest - AND JAKOB FLEW THE FIEND A...
- Super Intern Contest - UNDER THE TREES
- Super Intern Contest - TWO PRINCESSES, ONE PRINCE...
- Super Intern Contest - DEAD SISTER DAYS
- Super Intern Contest - MY PROTECTOR: THE CALLING
- Super Intern Contest - GRACEFUL DEATH
- Super Intern Contest - THE IMAGINING OF ISADORA V...
- Super Intern Contest - OUTSIDE IN
- Super Intern Contest - SHE CAME FROM THE HILL
- Super Intern Contest - PLUGGED IN
- Super Intern Contest - DIAMOND TEARS
- Super Intern Contest - DUALITY
- Super Intern Contest - DAUGHTER OF THE MOON
- Super Intern Contest - CROSSING THE DEEP
- Super Intern Contest - ONLY ONE TIME
- Super Intern Contest - NUMBER BLUE
- Super Intern Contest - THE UNLEASHING
- Super Intern Contest - PELE AND YO-YO
- Super Intern Contest - FREEBORN
- Super Intern Contest - COVETED
- Super Intern Contest - I, SPY
- Super Intern Contest - GRIPPED
- BE HERE NOW: A Writer's Auction to Raise Funds for...
- Super Intern Contest ... entry winners
- A Pitch Madness Success ... the interview
- The Writer's Voice ... a success story
- Super Intern Contest
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About me...
I write young adult and middle grade novels. I'm represented by Peter Knapp at Park Literary. Look for my debut young adult novel, LIBRARY JUMPERS releasing February, 2014.
Writing Links
- Peter Knapp: The Emperor of Ice Cream
- Park Literary
- Month9Books
- Query Tracker
- Publishers Marketplace
- The Association of Authors' Representatives
- Yapping About YA
- Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America
- Grammar Girl - Quick and Dirty Tips
- Pimp My Novel
- Guide to Literary Agents
- Evil Editor
- Absolute Write
- Agent Query
- Help I Need A Publisher

QUERY
ReplyDeleteThis isn't a bad start. I like the query. It flowed well. I really like the first paragraph. The sentence. "Taylor is an alcoholic." packs a punch. I kind of like how you make Alcohol out to be a character in this. It's interesting. When I read things like "Unbeknownst to her" it worries me, especially if Taylor is the narrator. She would have to know, if we know, right? Or maybe, before she knows it, or something non-cliche'd would work better. This isn't a bad start though.
250
This is really good writing. I'm right there with them in that car. And most of all, I get an idea of Taylor right away. She wants a drink. You stated she was an alcoholic in the query, so this highlights that right away. I would read more of this.
Thank you for sharing your work ;o)
Thanks for your feedback! I really appreciate it. Oh, and I just added that "unbeknownst to her" part right before I sent it off. I've been working on this query for quite a while now, trying to tweek it. I'll take tha part out. I didn't really like it, either.
ReplyDeleteThanks again!!!!!
You're welcome!! I know what you mean. Queries. *sigh*
ReplyDelete