Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Super Intern Contest - DEAD SISTER DAYS
Genre: Contemporary YA
Word Count: 57,500
Query:
Dear Ms. Chapman:
I found the Super Intern Contest on Twitter and am pleased to send you the opening 250 words of my contemporary YA manuscript, Dead Sister Days. The story might appeal to readers who enjoyed the candid emotion and colloquial style of Gayle Forman’s If I Stay.
Good girl Jamie persuades her parents to let her younger sister, Gwen, come to a weekend cottage party celebrating college acceptance letters and new beginnings. When Gwen plummets to her death in what appears to be a drug-fueled suicide the blame falls on Jamie who refuses to believe what everyone is saying. The Gwen Jamie knew would never get high and throw herself off a cliff, even if her sister’s reputation and list of past mistakes have everyone else convinced that she was troubled and impulsive enough to jump. As family and friends memorialize a Gwen that Jamie doesn’t recognize, Jamie’s own grief is consumed by the need to show them that they’ve got Gwen all wrong. It’s the only way she can honor the sister she loved and quiet the inner voice that keeps telling her she let Gwen down. As she unravels her sister’s true character, the relationships keeping Jamie together unravel as well and she finds herself questioning if she ever really knew Gwen at all.
The manuscript is complete at 57,500 words and I would be pleased to send you the opening chapters if you are interested. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on my work.
250-word excerpt:
DEAD SISTER DAYS
We buried my sister last Thursday. Closed her inside a wooden box lined with satin, which she would have hated, and tucked her into the ground with dirt.
Today is Dead Sister Day, my first day back at school since it happened. Sort of like haircut day, the Monday after an adventurous weekend hairdressing appointment, when everyone knows that something has changed but not everyone says something about it – at least not to your face. I hate haircut day. Dead Sister Day can only be worse. Maybe I should have gotten a bad haircut so they’ll have something to talk about besides my sister. Too late for that.
I grab a grey t-shirt from my dresser drawer and catch a glimpse of my bleak expression in the mirror. Maybe some mascara would help. Am I allowed to wear make-up on Dead Sister Day? I think so. I’m pretty sure that Gwen would have gone to school in full dark make-up if the tables were turned. How could she hold a little mascara against me?
Eric’s blue Civic pulls up in the driveway just as I squish the sticky black wand back into its tube. I wave at him through my window above the garage so he doesn’t get out, then grab my school bag and head down the stairs. There’s no sign of my dad in the house and it’s a good bet that my mom is hiding out in her home office. I can’t blame them for avoiding me after what I did, but I’m glad to be escaping this place today. It can’t possibly be this lonely at school.
Word Count: 57,500
Query:
Dear Ms. Chapman:
I found the Super Intern Contest on Twitter and am pleased to send you the opening 250 words of my contemporary YA manuscript, Dead Sister Days. The story might appeal to readers who enjoyed the candid emotion and colloquial style of Gayle Forman’s If I Stay.
Good girl Jamie persuades her parents to let her younger sister, Gwen, come to a weekend cottage party celebrating college acceptance letters and new beginnings. When Gwen plummets to her death in what appears to be a drug-fueled suicide the blame falls on Jamie who refuses to believe what everyone is saying. The Gwen Jamie knew would never get high and throw herself off a cliff, even if her sister’s reputation and list of past mistakes have everyone else convinced that she was troubled and impulsive enough to jump. As family and friends memorialize a Gwen that Jamie doesn’t recognize, Jamie’s own grief is consumed by the need to show them that they’ve got Gwen all wrong. It’s the only way she can honor the sister she loved and quiet the inner voice that keeps telling her she let Gwen down. As she unravels her sister’s true character, the relationships keeping Jamie together unravel as well and she finds herself questioning if she ever really knew Gwen at all.
The manuscript is complete at 57,500 words and I would be pleased to send you the opening chapters if you are interested. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on my work.
250-word excerpt:
DEAD SISTER DAYS
We buried my sister last Thursday. Closed her inside a wooden box lined with satin, which she would have hated, and tucked her into the ground with dirt.
Today is Dead Sister Day, my first day back at school since it happened. Sort of like haircut day, the Monday after an adventurous weekend hairdressing appointment, when everyone knows that something has changed but not everyone says something about it – at least not to your face. I hate haircut day. Dead Sister Day can only be worse. Maybe I should have gotten a bad haircut so they’ll have something to talk about besides my sister. Too late for that.
I grab a grey t-shirt from my dresser drawer and catch a glimpse of my bleak expression in the mirror. Maybe some mascara would help. Am I allowed to wear make-up on Dead Sister Day? I think so. I’m pretty sure that Gwen would have gone to school in full dark make-up if the tables were turned. How could she hold a little mascara against me?
Eric’s blue Civic pulls up in the driveway just as I squish the sticky black wand back into its tube. I wave at him through my window above the garage so he doesn’t get out, then grab my school bag and head down the stairs. There’s no sign of my dad in the house and it’s a good bet that my mom is hiding out in her home office. I can’t blame them for avoiding me after what I did, but I’m glad to be escaping this place today. It can’t possibly be this lonely at school.
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- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP
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- DOGGONE VOICE: MIRRORMASTERS
- DOGGONE VOICE: SPARK
- DOGGONE VOICE: SHADOWS OF DESTINY
- DOGGONE VOICE: WHERE THERE IS DARK
- DOGGONE VOICE: CROW'S REST (WIP)
- DOGGONE VOICE: FINDING ESTA
- DOGGONE VOICE: WHAT HAPPENS IN WATER
- DOGGONE VOICE: ABEL PIRATES
- DOGGONE VOICE: STARRY KNIGHT
- DOGGONE VOICE: FIRE'S KISS
- DOGGONE VOICE: KISSING FROGS
- DOGGONE VOICE: HARVESTER
- DOGGONE VOICE: THE SHIFTING DARKNESS
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- DOGGONE VOICE: SHE CAME FROM THE HILL
- DOGGONE VOICE: LOVE IN REAL LIFE
- DOGGONE VOICE: SYLVAN LEGACY
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: TAGESTRAUM
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: THE UNLEASHING
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: HAUNTED LEGACY
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: SOUTHERN FORTUNE
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: NIRVANA, INC.
- Entangle an editor with your pitch!
- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP ... entry winners
- New Workshop on Voice ... it's not as elusive as y...
- The Writer's Voice ... another success story (sort...
- Super Intern Contest ... winners and wrap-up
- Super Intern Contest ... starts now!
- Super Intern Contest - DRAGONS ARE PEOPLE, TOO
- Super Intern Contest - BETTER LIVES
- Super Intern Contest - WHAT THE WATER GAVE US
- Super Intern Contest - FIRE'S KISS
- Super Intern Contest - VIS DECOR: ALPHI
- Super Intern Contest - RACE TO BUTCH CASSIDY'S GO...
- Super Intern Contest - BROKEN
- Super Intern Contest - AN ABSENCE OF LIGHT
- Super Intern Contest - AND JAKOB FLEW THE FIEND A...
- Super Intern Contest - UNDER THE TREES
- Super Intern Contest - TWO PRINCESSES, ONE PRINCE...
- Super Intern Contest - DEAD SISTER DAYS
- Super Intern Contest - MY PROTECTOR: THE CALLING
- Super Intern Contest - GRACEFUL DEATH
- Super Intern Contest - THE IMAGINING OF ISADORA V...
- Super Intern Contest - OUTSIDE IN
- Super Intern Contest - SHE CAME FROM THE HILL
- Super Intern Contest - PLUGGED IN
- Super Intern Contest - DIAMOND TEARS
- Super Intern Contest - DUALITY
- Super Intern Contest - DAUGHTER OF THE MOON
- Super Intern Contest - CROSSING THE DEEP
- Super Intern Contest - ONLY ONE TIME
- Super Intern Contest - NUMBER BLUE
- Super Intern Contest - THE UNLEASHING
- Super Intern Contest - PELE AND YO-YO
- Super Intern Contest - FREEBORN
- Super Intern Contest - COVETED
- Super Intern Contest - I, SPY
- Super Intern Contest - GRIPPED
- BE HERE NOW: A Writer's Auction to Raise Funds for...
- Super Intern Contest ... entry winners
- A Pitch Madness Success ... the interview
- The Writer's Voice ... a success story
- Super Intern Contest
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2012
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June
(68)
- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP
- DOGGONE VOICE: PEREGRINE
- DOGGONE VOICE: BETTER LIVES
- DOGGONE VOICE: BROKEN
- DOGGONE VOICE: MIRRORMASTERS
- DOGGONE VOICE: SPARK
- DOGGONE VOICE: SHADOWS OF DESTINY
- DOGGONE VOICE: WHERE THERE IS DARK
- DOGGONE VOICE: CROW'S REST (WIP)
- DOGGONE VOICE: FINDING ESTA
- DOGGONE VOICE: WHAT HAPPENS IN WATER
- DOGGONE VOICE: ABEL PIRATES
- DOGGONE VOICE: STARRY KNIGHT
- DOGGONE VOICE: FIRE'S KISS
- DOGGONE VOICE: KISSING FROGS
- DOGGONE VOICE: HARVESTER
- DOGGONE VOICE: THE SHIFTING DARKNESS
- DOGGONE VOICE: FREEBORN
- DOGGONE VOICE: RELIC
- DOGGONE VOICE: SHE CAME FROM THE HILL
- DOGGONE VOICE: LOVE IN REAL LIFE
- DOGGONE VOICE: SYLVAN LEGACY
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: TAGESTRAUM
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: THE UNLEASHING
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: HAUNTED LEGACY
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: SOUTHERN FORTUNE
- DOGGONE VOICE EXT: NIRVANA, INC.
- Entangle an editor with your pitch!
- THAT DOGGONE VOICE WORKSHOP ... entry winners
- New Workshop on Voice ... it's not as elusive as y...
- The Writer's Voice ... another success story (sort...
- Super Intern Contest ... winners and wrap-up
- Super Intern Contest ... starts now!
- Super Intern Contest - DRAGONS ARE PEOPLE, TOO
- Super Intern Contest - BETTER LIVES
- Super Intern Contest - WHAT THE WATER GAVE US
- Super Intern Contest - FIRE'S KISS
- Super Intern Contest - VIS DECOR: ALPHI
- Super Intern Contest - RACE TO BUTCH CASSIDY'S GO...
- Super Intern Contest - BROKEN
- Super Intern Contest - AN ABSENCE OF LIGHT
- Super Intern Contest - AND JAKOB FLEW THE FIEND A...
- Super Intern Contest - UNDER THE TREES
- Super Intern Contest - TWO PRINCESSES, ONE PRINCE...
- Super Intern Contest - DEAD SISTER DAYS
- Super Intern Contest - MY PROTECTOR: THE CALLING
- Super Intern Contest - GRACEFUL DEATH
- Super Intern Contest - THE IMAGINING OF ISADORA V...
- Super Intern Contest - OUTSIDE IN
- Super Intern Contest - SHE CAME FROM THE HILL
- Super Intern Contest - PLUGGED IN
- Super Intern Contest - DIAMOND TEARS
- Super Intern Contest - DUALITY
- Super Intern Contest - DAUGHTER OF THE MOON
- Super Intern Contest - CROSSING THE DEEP
- Super Intern Contest - ONLY ONE TIME
- Super Intern Contest - NUMBER BLUE
- Super Intern Contest - THE UNLEASHING
- Super Intern Contest - PELE AND YO-YO
- Super Intern Contest - FREEBORN
- Super Intern Contest - COVETED
- Super Intern Contest - I, SPY
- Super Intern Contest - GRIPPED
- BE HERE NOW: A Writer's Auction to Raise Funds for...
- Super Intern Contest ... entry winners
- A Pitch Madness Success ... the interview
- The Writer's Voice ... a success story
- Super Intern Contest
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About me...
I write young adult and middle grade novels. I'm represented by Peter Knapp at Park Literary. Look for my debut young adult novel, LIBRARY JUMPERS releasing February, 2014.
Writing Links
- Peter Knapp: The Emperor of Ice Cream
- Park Literary
- Month9Books
- Query Tracker
- Publishers Marketplace
- The Association of Authors' Representatives
- Yapping About YA
- Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America
- Grammar Girl - Quick and Dirty Tips
- Pimp My Novel
- Guide to Literary Agents
- Evil Editor
- Absolute Write
- Agent Query
- Help I Need A Publisher

Personally, I'm totally diggin' the voice in this excerpt.
ReplyDeleteJohn Lucas Hargis
FREEBORN
I agree with John Lucas. Intriguing voice and title.
ReplyDeleteFirst. I'm a HUGE Gayle Forman fan, so that already got my attention.
ReplyDeleteQUERY
This is good. It got my attention and kept me captivated the whole time. I want to know what happened with Gwen, so this query did its job ;o)
250
You pack a heck of a lot in this 250. The voice comes through and I love the idea of Dead Sister Day. Anyone who has experienced a significant loss would relate. Including me. I would have read all of this and more.
Thanks to everyone for your kind words about my writing, and to Erica for taking the time to provide us writers with all this valuable feedback. I'm very grateful to have been a part of this contest.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome!
ReplyDelete