Title: KIDS, INC.
Genre: Middle Grade
Word Count: 35,000
Query:
Twelve-year-old Anna Fraser’s father always told her that necessity was the mother of invention, but for her, it was all accidental.
After Anna and her genius “I skipped a grade” younger brother Chris's class project goes missing, a little mischief in their father's workshop results in a tasty invention— a spray that makes the grossest foods taste like cupcakes. Soon, Yuck Away Cupcake Spray becomes the hottest-selling product in America and Anna and Chris are running a company.
As CEO, Anna quickly discovers that business is not all about having her teammates work for her, or bossing around her brother, or even doing interviews with press. Nope. It’s working long hours in the office, doing homework past midnight, and maybe even disappointing her cheerleading team by missing the biggest competition of the year.
Toss in a bet with some bullies, a scheming Chief Operating Officer, and a threat to their family’s financial future, and you have KIDS, INC.
Excerpt:
Anna Fraser tapped her foot against the metal leg of her desk to the song in her head:
Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Four more classes, then I'm jolly
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Christmas break is almost here
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
No more homework for the rest of the year
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
She drummed her pencil on the thick social studies book that sat open to page 241: Economics.
Twenty more minutes.
She glanced up at her social studies teacher, Mr. Bower, aka. Mr Shower, and beat a little louder on the book to the rhythm of his lecture.
“Economics,” he was saying, or rather spraying.
Tap tap-tap tap
“Is the study of buying and selling goods and services."
Tap tap tap-tap tap tap-tap tap tap-tap tap-tap-tap
Anna couldn’t believe he was actually trying to make them learn on the last day of school before Christmas break. Her other teachers let them watch movies, read books, and even have a holiday party. She’d scored four candy canes already. And there, Mr. Shower stood at the front of the class reading from his notes, his beady eyes not lifting from the yellow memo pad clenched between his chunks of fingers. He continued earnestly, wiping the corner of his mouth every now and then.
Man, these are all sooo good. This seems like the perfect mg novel! So stinkin cute and great voice!
ReplyDeleteLove this concept!! What a cool idea!!
ReplyDeleteThis is great! I know lots of kids who would love Yuck Away Cupcake Spray :)
ReplyDeleteWell, i've said this before and i'll say it again, so frickin awesome!!
ReplyDeleteAn amazing MG voice. And who wouldn't want something that changes yucky tastes to awesome cupcake flavors? ;)
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Love your voice, concept, and how you've got me singing Deck the Halls! And I'd love the Yuck Away spray myself.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds so fun! It reminds me of that movie Blank Check! I'd love to read this!
ReplyDeleteMr. Shower. *snrk* this looks sweet
ReplyDeleteThe voice here is perfect for MG, and I would absolutely buy some Yuck Away Cupcake Spray!
ReplyDeleteFantastic voice here and awesome concept! Love this!!!
ReplyDeleteScheming heroines and cupcakes! I love it! And I love cupcakes! Go #TeamBreanda!
ReplyDeleteGlad to see MG made a splash in this competition! What's not to love about cupcakes? Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHey hey hey, I know this query! ;)
ReplyDeleteLove the "kids rule the world" feel of this - totally appealing in a cute and wicked way.
And, YAY MG!!!! So excited for this one. SO SO SO MUCH LUCK!!!!
Such a fun concept! I love a great MG. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI loved your query to begin with, but it's so much clearer now! Great MG voice in the first page too! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOh this sounds like so much fun! Perfect concept and perfect voice for a MG novel.
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun concept! Love it! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis idea kicks some serious butt! Yuck Away Cupcake Spray - if only it truly existed...Love everything about this book!!
ReplyDeleteI remember this from the preliminary rounds - this sounds like such a fun read! Great concept! Good luck in the contest!
ReplyDeleteI love the voice in this! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis looks too cute!! What a fun concept!
ReplyDelete#3 KIDS, INC.
ReplyDeleteQuery:
This sounds cute! I love the idea of thrusting kids into adult situations, and I think kids really dig that, too. A great middle-grade concept.
I’m not sure how well the first sentence serves your query, since it relies on an aphorism rather than something specific to your story. I think you can cut it and just jump into the next paragraph (sticking Anna’s full name and age into that first sentence). In the second paragraph, I’d use a colon instead of the em-dash after “tasty invention,” and I’d put a comma between “America” and “and Anna and Chris…”
First page:
Also cute! You definitely have the middle-grade voice down. I think that the first sentence needs another word, like “tune” or “rhythm” to show what she’s actually tapping to (“…to the rhythm of the song in her head”). Also, watch your punctuation: you’re missing a period in “Mr Shower”; and the comma in “And there, Mr. Shower stood” shouldn’t be there.