Wednesday, May 11, 2011
It's been a really tough week for me. I was going to get a new contest together, but it'll have to wait until I have more time. I had a minor procedure done and had to recuperate. One of my best friends was hospitalized due to complications with Strep. Her organs are struggling against an infection from her sickness. So I've been spending time at her bedside. And the kicker, my son's best friend's mother took her own life last night. I've known her since the boys were young. We used to go to lunches and exchange car pools. She and her husband divorced a couple years back and she had been struggling ever since.
As I sit here pondering how a mother can leave her sons behind, I remember how depression feels. Dark. Lonely. Frightening. Knowing the woman she used to be before the depression, I am certain taking her own life would never have enter her mind. But with her sudden life change, she couldn't cope. She had disappeared from everything, unwilling to accept invitations to go out for coffee or lunch to talk. She shunned everyone for her bed.
I wish I could have seen then what I see now in hind sight. She was seeing doctors and seemed to be doing fine when I ran into her at the store a few months back, but there was something in her eyes that betrayed her lie. A glazed over stare, rushed words, and how she wrung her purse strap as we spoke, should have clued me in to her state, but it hadn't.
Did her sons know something was up? Did her parents (whom she had to move in with recently) see signs? What, if anything, could I have done to help her? Are we totally hopeless when someone is too far gone that not even a therapist and medication prevent her from taking her own life?
Now, we're left with the aftermath; helping the boys deal with the loss of their mother.
This experience has taught me to reach out. Even when it feels uncomfortable. Even if you are pushed away. Even though the inflicted denies there is something wrong. Even when the last resort is to call a professional in. We are not hopeless to depression. We can fight it.
Sorry for the downer of a post. I guess I just wanted to share it with you, my friends in this wonderfully supportive writing community. It is here with you that I feel at peace.
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I write young adult and middle grade novels. I'm represented by Peter Knapp at Park Literary. Look for my debut young adult novel, LIBRARY JUMPERS releasing February, 2014.
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